Some people are just perfect at everything. From a practical standpoint- the baking, wrapping, card giving season just doesn’t fit us. So here’s a list for us to survive and still come out looking normal.
- Send “Epiphany Cards” Remember it took the Wise Men 3 years to get to baby Jesus.
- Decorate your tree with stars and snowflakes then you can leave it up until the Spring equinox.
- Do not attempt a new recipe! Forget the the 8-layer torte. It won’t happen. IT. WILL. NOT. HAPPEN. Repeat . Instead buy cookies that say “homemade style.” Or “made with love by the Amish.”
- If you must give your pet a gift, wrap up one of their favorite toys. I mean really…do you think they paid attention when they watched Miracle on 34th Street? No.
- Uncomfortable get-togethers? Don’t go. Work in a soup kitchen. This will make you look like a hero.
- If you can’t avoid #5 wear something lightweight so you won’t sweat. Go to the bathroom a lot so you can play Wheelie or Minecraft.
- Enjoy the sugar and starches. Remember these meals when you forget to take something out of the freezer for dinner next week.
- Every year you think you can make a gift. Like a braided bowl made from homemade bread, or mantle from pallets. No! No! No! These will only validate your procrastination. Then if you buy gift cards, this will only demonstrate your procrastination. Buy them a how-to magazine with the idea that you can make it with them together when the weather improves. Chances are you will both forget. Win-win.
- If you must have company to your house. Hide stuff you didn’t have time to organize into bins marked “Christmas.” Do NOT hide perishables. Buy a pre-cooked chicken have others provide the side dishes. Refer to #3. Spray the room with something pine scented in case you don’t have time to clean. If you do nothing else, clean the toilet.